This is How Our Story Ends...

On Thursday 02/02/06, I was frustrated with his constanly-changing MSN nicks so I decided to forward him a cute msg at 2.30pm. Amazingly, immediately after the sent msg, I felt alot more at ease with myself. I did not expect him to reply in any way since it is just a forward msg. However, he surprised me with his "hey i m sorrie, left hp at home. hows r u?" so I gave him a direct answer - Haha. You are so cute. forward msg do not need to reply. After that I felt so silly and dumb, the worst: guilty for that meaningless remark.

He did not come online the whole night and my guilt grew as time goes by. I cannot take it. In the end, I msged him - hMmz... I think I was quite abrupt with my reply just now as I am still stuck in school. Hope you have a good week. Anyway good night =)

Unbelievably, within 10 mins after the msg sent, he appeared online-away mode and that is 12.10am. I did not msg him because I felt uncomfortable, however I was working on my project report till 2am he was still online-away mode. I woke up @ 7.30am and he remained in the same status. I was puzzled. Then I went offline around 8.45am and an interesting sudden thought came to me: Will he follow suit since I go offline already?

Too much coincidences, after 10 mins of my disappearance, he is offline too. I was too shocked so I appeared online again. Guess what? He, too appeared online-online mode as me. The 1st thing he came online was to msg me! Seriously, I felt that he had everything prepared and planned. The short conversation was a happy and cheerful one. He offered to explain to me his Thursday night was spent @ MU but came back home early as he was high.

On Satursday 04/02/06, he was not online the whole day. I was too stressed out so I and sister went to Cineleisure to eat Cafe Cartel and then to Club Momo.

On Sunday 05/02/06, his MSN nick changed to: ...... Loves February 4th and that is Saturday. I felt that something good has happened to him. I was curious. I asked him. The biggest possibiltiy I have thought of: Met a cute gal. In the end, he told me that he loves Saturdays. That was total anti-climax and I felt so cheated. I asked him what have he done and he said he went out with a friend at Orchard- Taka. My immediate feeling is he might have seen me and sister at Orchard if we are connected by hearts. I wanted to pursue this issue but he avoided twice - went to shower and wanted to take a nap.

On Monday 06/02/06, he did not come online at all. I was totally disgusted because I always thought I am in control of the situation. However, from what I observed, I know I am losing it and no longer knows what he is actually up to.

On Tuesday 07/02/06, which is today, he did not come online either at his usual timing period - 8.30pm to 11pm. I was away to TV between 10pm - 12am. When I came back, as usual he was offline BUT his nick changed again: --Keep Out-- Now this showed that he was online before that and a strong negative connation accompanied his current nick. It seemed to hint to me that I should not invade his privacy or life anymore?

Haha... I love my literature days in JC. Analyse and more analysis to understand the writer's current state of emotion. Maybe I am really not supposed to touch this guy because his main purpose or rather impact on me has been completed. Somehow I feel that the distance between us are bigger and the ambiguous feeling is fading... Fate determines it all. I strongly believe in it.

We are not Meant to be?

I am beginning to annoy myself again...
I am irritated with his constantly changing MSN nicks and pics.

Initially it was: it's complicated
Then: you're beautiful
Now: I WILLbe watching over u...

Maybe I am over-reacting or too sensitive over these small gestures but that's the immediate feeling and vibe I get from him. I believe in my intuition and 6th sense because they never fail me. Before our nightly MSN conversations, his nicks were neutral and I refer to them as meaningless. Too much of coincidences, everytime I changed my nick to something emotional, he will respond with similar tactics. Once I updated my MSN picture to me and my cousin, his individual picture (always he, himself alone) becomes a picture of him and his friend. That's when I feel he does take attention of me on MSN.

I always wanted to question the significance of his current nick but I know I may not get my desired answer so why risk it? He can simply said it's a song title or I find some gal cute... In the end, it's me who gets so frustrated for asking that dumb question. Besides, my conversations with him are leading to nowhere. Now I am so not motivated to talk to him because he will keep telling he is Sianz, siAnz and more SiAnz. How am I supposed to carry on like this?

Yeah... I seriously think I have superb endurance as a Taurean but he is getting on my nerves somehow. Does he like me or not? Pat said he likes me definitely and I so wanna believe it too BUT the manner he treats me, it doesn't seem to give me a clue on his behaviour. She also mentioned that it is not worth it to trouble myself over this Pisces guy because she doubts he is my The One. I dunno if he is my The One, maybe yes maybe no but I do look forward to the beginning of every relationship hopefully.

He loses interest and concentration easily on things and people. There is a high possibility of him losing me too. However, Pat is afraid of me losing interest in him after he confessed he likes me? That is so ironic... haha. In the end, I may be the one with the broken heart instead. I think I am very empty, I just wanna to learn to love and be loved at least once. I really wonder how I would behave in a love relationship?

It's interesting how things started off between him and me. Sparks fly off and died off fast. I hope this is not the case for us. I am sincere to try it out with him because I feel that I can learn alot from him. The encounter with him gives me courage to face myself and other guys. I became a person who no longer view pride as a big issue. I really hate it when fate allows me to meet such a guy and gives us a fading away ending.

The previous relationship was the same.
I met Lunz. Lunz likes me. I acted as though I don't care. I like Lunz. Lunz don't like me. The end. However I am grateful that I met Lunz before this Pisces guy because now I know how to handle such situations better with more considerations.

Me and him? What will come out of it? I don't want to expect because I don't want to face disappointments again. If we are meant to be then we will be. Surprisingly, I never thought of giving up even though he may not like me. I would rather it just disappear gradually than to put an abrupt full stop to the entire story.