A Poem from Me to yOu*

This is a short poem composed on my feelings for him:

Tomato

I am so in Love with Tomato but I doubt he will ever know cOs I never show.
We live in two very different worlds but yet we meet on this very first day.
It seems like we are meant to be together but somehow it didn't end up this way.
Too much to say but too little time to stay.

When you have finished reading, I think it time for everything to end already. I hope he can find the girl of his dream and me, please let me meet my Mr Right sOonz!

Great! I am Deleted and Blocked by him on MSN.

What the crap! For the entire week, I didn't see him online and I thought maybe he was too busy with all the events and stuffs. Till Thursday night, I checked he logged into Friendster so I assumed he is online. I can't see his online status and again I am so naive to believe he is too tired.

Today, I just casually comment to my sister about this fact and guess what? She told me I may be blocked by him. This weird idea has never come across me because I believe I did not offend or do anything wrong to him. Nvm, she taught me a simple test how to check someone blocks me. I tried with my online frenz and realised that he, the jerk indeed deleted and blocked me.

I was like so stunned and puzzled. Then feel so angry and wanted to cry. Not because that I am so in love with him, actually I am over him but I am hurt by his action. I mean he doesn't even treat and respect me as a friend? I sat beside him for like 7 weeks and we did talk and laughed together. ALthough I didn't approach him on MSN but neither did he. I just feel that why must he do that? No apparent reason? What the heck!

Such action also reveals his feelings towards me. I suspect that he thinks I am so not interested in him but just playing with him all along. Therefore the entire week, he kept ignoring me with his cold treatment. The fact is initially I was playing along with him but eventually I fell for him. LinG said I don't look like interested but I am always trying to hide my emotions - I am shy, insecure, unconfident+++ believe it or not?

I came out with two possible reasons: 1st - he really hates me to the core which I have no idea why, 2nd - he finds me a nuisance on MSN becOs I added him but we never talk online. Now I am very sure that I am not sensitive about his reactions towards me. Okie are we playing mind games? I hope not cOs I haven make my confession to him yet so I am not losing it all. He, instead has lost partially by removing me from MSN. This also shows how immature this guy is. Definitely not a gentleman!

I sincerely believed that he used to like me because the feelings and my heart can never be wrong. I am disappointed but yet grateful that I met him because I tried and learnt alot from this encounter. He took me to a haunted house, I held onto his arm and he showed me the other side of him. All these incidents are my valuable first times. To him, I may be like the 20++ girls in his life but to me, he is the first guy. Thats enough and I am contented. I realised what I wanted, he is not my cup of tea and opposite do attracts. However attraction does not last long Unless both ends willing to compromise.

On this note, I would like to end off by hoping this coming Monday will be a new start for me. I hope God don't arrange another fast and furious crush for me. My heart really can't take it anymore.... hahaz.

Friday - A Surprising Day!

Today is the last day he will be sitting beside me. I was so troubled yesterday by reports and website, his negative reactions towards me make it worst. However, the plus point is I feel so relieved, so over him and become my normal self again.

I came to school light hearted and did not bother about him anymore. Initially, he didn't talk to me as usual so I just act as though no big deal or rather I am used to it. Then I heard him asking Yi Ting about the website which we are supposed to do, I just chipped in by saying: Yeah, you must complete. Though no marks awarded but if you don't do, marks will be deducted. For the first time, he finally look into my eyes. This time, his expression is not negative but somewhat unbelievable that I join in their conversation.

I become more confident so I started to ask him have he done the website. He replied me: Shhhh.... x4. This reminds me of the time he told me he will take MC to BangKok. The expression and feeling he gave me are same. Then in the end I asked so how is it and he finally told me he won't do it.

Oh cOs today I am in a good mood so I kept talking to myself. Haha, I think he looked at me curiously like I am talking to him. This is so great cOs we are back to normal as before =) I actually asked him was he very moody yesterday cos he was so unfriendly towards me. He was quite awkward with my sudden question but managed a 'too tired' excuse. What about the day before? He immediately said 'too tired' and needs to sleep everyday.

During this week, he is very busy and I know he is exhausted after everything. The fact that he can still talk and laugh with TinGz makes wonder why he ignores me due to tiredness? I dunno what is going on his mind but I believe that he has his hesitations about me.

He sorta teased me by saying the drama boxsets I bought are pirated but I told him all are original. I was happy that he showed interest in what I am doing. Seriously, I think he treats me alot better today after 2 days of cold war. It just feel very different. Btw, he wore a bright orange shirt and I felt that he looked alot more suave.

Alex came to return me my notes. I took this chance to flirt with him by saying: Hey, next time you at level 4 must come down to level 1 to find me. Alex played along by saying yes. He was looking and listening to us both. I am sure about this.

I checked Friendster and realised he logged in within 24hours which is yesterday. If my analysis is right, he should have looked up my profile and perhaps guess the Tomato confession is for him. This is my main aim - to get him to realise I like him. I was telling myself that by this Sunday, if he cannot be bothered to log into friendster or check on me, then I will just remove the confession and leave things to cool down. LinG said we still have fate.... I am doubtful and trying to let things go with the wind.

I have tOo much memOries to HoLd and I am grateful to meet a guy like him.

One more day to go !?!?!?!

I seriously have no idea why the hell he ignores me for this entire week. On Monday, he looked at me and I looked at him. It is just plain looking at each other without words. I was thinking maybe I should isolate from him so that when we are separated, I will not missed him so much. By not talking to him, it means I will like him to a lesser intensity.

In addition, I thought I was pretty mean by not talking to him. At the end of the day, I seeked his help on the headset. Mind you, I was polite and sincere. Guess what? He just gave me an abrupted answer - click that one. OMG, what that one? I admit I am dumb but can you please say it to me properly and nicely? I tried asking the second time, he just ignored me. For the last time, I asked: Can you please tell me how exactly this thing works? Finally he realised my persistence and he replied: Okie, I will call HER right now....

Him: Hello, I am calling from XXX call centre and asking for.... (laughs*)
Her: Huh?
Him: No lar, I am teaching SOMEONE how to use the headset. Blahz.

In the end, I have to thank him for talking on the phone and figure out the entire thing myself. What a nice guy afterall! He appeared to be more interested on the phone than to teach me.

Tuesday, he came but slept on his desk all the way. I didn't have a chance to talk to him at all. The next half day, he just disappeared into thin air.

Wednesday, he was so involved in the SBM Graduation Day as a stage manager. I tried looking around but have not seen a slight trace of him.

Thursday and that is today, I realised that we will not be long together and I decided to be more positive so as to leave happy memories. What a surprise! I feel like crying the whole day! The moment I reached the place, I sensed that he is unfriendly towards me. He no longer looks over at me, talks to me, disturbs me, acts as a clown, gets my attention, makes funny noises, dramatic actions+++

When I saw him with a pile of papers, I offered my help. Instead he told me this is bullshit and no need. Okie fine, I am bearing with his negative responses. Again, I realised he have not complete his report, wanted to lend him my copy as reference. Then he deliberately went over to TinGz and asked her to email him for the report format. I was so pissed off and disappointed with him because he usually asked me for such things. He never really bother about TinGz. Only occasionally, he will disturb her but I am the main focus. Even Jeevita realised this fact and today he rather clarify his doubts even with her and not me.

What's wrong with me? What have I done to deserve his cold treatment? I mean he may not like me but as a frenz and a workplace neighbour, why can't he treat me as usual? It is so obvious he is trying to hide or better avoid contact with me.

Patricia warned me in the beginning that not to take things for granted or esle I will regret. This is retribution. I used to joke about what he has done for me, his efforts to keep me talking and laughing. Now he no longer gives me the attention I craved for and feel so down! I really cannot take it anymore. Be it mind games or strong dislike towards me, I hope this crappy feeling be gone for once and all.

Bao: He may be a cunning guy who shows interest initially then realised that I am hooked to him, decided to quit the game.

Jas: When you like someone, all his flaws become his good points. I agreed to this one because I used to think of him as childish as a kid but I become addicted to him - cuteness.

Sharon: One day, you will realise you cannot stand his silliness.

LinG: It is embarrassing to bring him out on streets.

I believed this is a strong crush for him and crushes come and go. I hate the feeling of suffocation, jealously, spitefulness and disappointment with him. Patricia asked me: Is it worth doing this (confession of truth) for him?

After today incident, I would say NO because he is AP so I am AP too. LoL.